Waving goodbye to this year and listening to Prog and Punk

I love the end of the year and beginning of a new one. Starting over is one of my favorite things to do in life, because I think I have become good at it. There is nothing more freeing than waving goodbye to something, someone who doesn't need to be in your life, or just seasons of your life that are over. I am good at doing these things.
I can feel myself changing in many ways and it makes me happy rather than sad.

 I don't seem to idolize rock stars in my mind the way I used too. Don't get me wrong, I'm still an avid fan of a lot of music, but I don't think these people are any better than me or the average person anymore. They all wrote songs I didn't enjoy or sold out or did something else disappointing at some point. They are only humans like the rest of us. I don't get offended anymore if they do something I don't like. It is usually a relief actually because it proves they are just like the rest of us.
I regret sometimes that I rarely like newer music. It's just that there is SO much music recorded just from the 20th century, that I really think I'm going to have to listen to all of it before I can move on. I find new(new to me anyways) bands to like on maybe a monthly basis, just from going through the catalogues of older albums. I find it harder to obsess over one band or singer for a very long time anymore. I can like them a lot, but can't only listen to that one band for months at a time. I am always relieved when my obsessions with musicians or bands end, because it means I can move on to something new.

I think one of my favorite things though is over thought out concept albums, which is probably why I have a hard time liking anything coming out right now. It probably comes from my love of reading, but I just like the story aspect of concept albums.

I've made a really big leap this year as far as what I've listened too. Two of the things I've listened to the most in the past six months has been old punk rock and ambitious prog rock bands from the '70s. Trust me I get the irony in that. I've read many, many rock biographies (many about the punk movement in particular) and I realize they were formed as a sort of backlash against prog rock. I mean Johnny Rotten was asked to be the lead singer of the Sex Pistols because he had on a homemade "I hate Pink Floyd" t-shirt (I have to add that even though I love Pink Floyd, I still love that story). I understand why punk bands had to form. Not everyone wants to listen to a 30 minute song with 10 minute organ and guitar solos, with a complex back story. Here's where the kicker and eye opener came in for me though: I wasn't around for either of those eras, so I get to enjoy them both simultaneously if I choose to. THAT fact alone has completely changed my attitude about the decade I was born in. I don't have to deal with the punk police telling me Pink Floyd is a bloated old dinosaur, or snobby trained musicians telling me The Clash can't play their instruments. There is a freedom now. You can like any combination of anything you want and no one is going to care.

                                       Johnny Rotten formed a career from hating Pink Floyd (haha)

Pink Floyd formed a career off of their original leader going insane(poor Syd)

I am very happy I wasn't born until the late 80's. I live in the age of information, and I can find videos and albums of any band of notoriety from whatever decade I like. I can listen to "London Calling" -The Clash and then "Nursery Cryme"- Genesis(I don't care what anyone says, Peter Gabriel era Genesis is absolutely great) back to back any day of the week.

Peter Gabriel and his middle shaved head have earned a place in my music library.

Who knows what I will find to listen to in 2013? The sky is pretty much the limit as far as I'm concerned.

The year of 2012

Haven't posted in a long stretch of time, but I've hardly had the drive.
What I have been doing is writing a lot in regular old paper journals I carry around in my purse.
I will be 25 in January of this coming year which seems hard to belive but at the same time is sort of a relief.
My early twenties were pretty turbulant and I was wrecked emotionally much of the time... mostly due to all of my own bad decisions, and not due to circumstances surrounding me.
This year an awful lot happened. At the beginning of the year I got my heart broken but I'm not even going to go into how it happened. I haven't talked about it with very many people because I feel like they will all think I'm being pathetic and silly, but the pain was very real to me.
So a little bit after this happened I decided, to quote The Who, "I won't be fooled again".
I brought in a picture of Cherie Currie to my hairdresser and cut off my hair into a shag haircut. About a month later I was having a horrible day and decided I would only feel better if I didn't have red hair anymore so I immedietly went to wal-mart and found a box of hair color with the description "soft dark brown".
I remember just feeling better as soon as I picked up the box of dye and walked towards the massive check out line. The cashier yelled something along the lines of "MY REGISTER IS CLOSED AS SOON AS I CHECK OUT MISS CLAIROL HERE." It's funny how you remember little things like that.
I went straight home and colored my hair which did not come out "soft dark brown", but came out pitch black. I had Joan Jett hair which I thought was very ironic considering I brought in a picture of Cherie originally.
As summer approached I started feeling better. I locked myself in my room a lot but I wasn't depressed at all. I just played around on instruments(a lot of guitar), wrote, read countless books, and watched a lot of my favorite old movies and rock docs. It was the strangest thing but I realized for the first time that I'm an introvert. I never knew I was, because I'm not shy or afraid of people. I definitely need an awful lot of time alone though and after a short time I get drained socializing. Painting was something else I learned that I enjoyed. I got the ideas for what to paint from weird places. Three of them that are currently hung up on my wall, I based on three songs from David Bowie's album "Low". I wanted to make a visual of what the song sounded like, or what mood the songs put me in. So I went for mood instead of anything else in painting, because really I am not a professional and don't know any technique at all.
I started buying all these weirdo science magazines about outer space and trying to paint pictures of nebulas too. In one of those magaizines, I read an article about how there is a job (might be with Nasa, I really don't remember the specifics) but the jist of the job was that you were stationed in the Nevada or Arizona deserts at night. You worked alone and your job would begin after the sun set. You stayed awake all night and counted and kept track of how many meteors went by through a telescope. This entire job of counting meteors was they said, to be aware of any large meteors coming towards earth. Evidently if there is a large enough one, say one that could wipe out an entire city, you would be able to see it coming for years perhaps decades even before it hit.
At the time I was reading this, I envied the position of that job. Staying up all night to look at the dark sky in the desert. You don't have to always be "on" socially for a job like that. Looking at expansive skies makes my tiny problems seem like just that, tiny.

My three paintings to go with three songs from Bowie's "Low" album. Top left is based on "Art Decade", top right "Weeping Wall", bottom is "Speed of Life". All tracks or instrumental.

My friend Ashley and her husband gave me this free stringless guitar three years ago and told me if I put strings on it I could keep it. So I not only put strings on in but girly stickers. I'm very thankful for this guitar.

A pencil sketch I did in my journal late one Friday night.

So since I can't have the job of counting meteors in the desert, I will instead work my day job. Every night though I'll look at the sky and make the decision to keep my chin up.

The Neverending Story

I've said it once and I'll say it again: I live with my head in the clouds.

I'm a big dreamer and have always had a very active imagination. To me what's the point of living a life with no dreams or hopes?

The other day I was watching one of my favorite childhood flashback movies "The Neverending Story".
It's 80's, it's a nostalgia trip, the protagonist is a little boy who prefers to spend his school day avoiding his classmates while hiding in the attic and reading a fantasy novel. A main character I could relate to, that's for sure.
So anyways I decided to pop it in and watch it for lack of anything else to do. It's odd to watch a movie as an adult that you watched so much as a kid... you notice a lot of things that seemed like they were never there before. As a 24 year old "adult", I found this movie littered with a lot deeper meanings than I had ever recalled. I've made a list of all the pieces of this movie that struck me as interesting. If you aren't an 80's/early 90's child and you for some reason haven't see this, there will be some nearly 30 year old spoilers included. Sorry Charlie:

1.)To start off with, the villain of this story is the so called "Great Nothing". It is literally just that; nothing. Can you imagine trying to convey this on screen especially during the 80's before CGI? It's a very abstract enemy to convey in a children's movie. As soon as we are shown Fantasia for the first time, we are told that basically the Great Nothing is destroying everything in this world. So what is it? Why is it destroying everything? Most villains have a reason for doing what they do, even if it's insanity.
We find out later in the movie when Atreyu(the boy warrior) confronts the super creepy "servant of the great nothing". (Let me inject this really quick and say that this wolf puppet or whatever it is, is way scarier than anything computer generated.)
Anyways Atreyu and the G'mork have a conversation that I will quote:

G'mork: "If you come any closer, I will rip you to shreds."
Atreyu: "Who are you?"
G'mork: "I am G'mork. And you, whoever you are, can have the honor of being my last victim."
Atreyu: "I will not die easily. I am a warrior!"
G'mork: "Ha! Brave warrior, then fight the Nothing."
Atreyu: "But I can't! I can't get beyond the boundaries of Fantasia!"
[G'mork laughs and Atreyu gets a little angry]
Atreyu: "What's so funny about that?"
G'mork: "Fantasia has no boundaries."
[laughs]
Atreyu: "That's not true! You're lying."
G'mork: "Foolish boy. Don't you know anything about Fantasia? It's the world of human fantasy. Every part, every creature of it, is a piece of the dreams and hopes of mankind. Therefore, it has no boundaries."
Atreyu: "But why is Fantasia dying, then? "
G'mork: "Because people have begun to lose their hopes and forget their dreams. So the Nothing grows stronger."
Atreyu: What is the Nothing?
G'mork: "It's the emptiness that's left. It's like a despair, destroying this world. And I have been trying to help it."
Atreyu: "But why?"
G'mork: "Because people who have no hopes are easy to control; and whoever has the control... has the power!"

Wow! To think this is what my mom used to rent us from blockbuster on Saturday nights when I was in elementary school, hah.
I find this whole scene pretty fascinating though and every true. "With no vision my people parish", or in other words when "people begin to lose their hopes and forget their dreams" despair grows and they are "easy to control; and whoever has the control has the power!"
I really believe this is a big problem in today's society. In fact I could write a whole series of blog entries on just that one subject, but this isn't the place for that.
I think the "Great Nothing" is one of the scariest villains I've ever heard of though for these exact reasons.

Now for the obstacles Atreyu has to face in order to complete his quest.

1.)One of the first things he has to do is make it through the Deadly Swamp of Sadness. This is a really fantastic metaphor for depression in my opinion. It is a fact, that you can literally put yourself in the grave if you let sadness or depression overwhelm you. This is also a much scarier and more realistic obstacle to have to face in a children's fantasy movie. There are no monsters or anything shown in the swamp, you just have to press on through an overwhelming feeling of sadness in order to conquer it. Atreyu's horse doesn't make it, making for one sad, sad scene that's for sure.

2.)Next after he is saved by Falcor the Luck Dragon(a.k.a what looks like a flying poodle) he is taken to the next stage of his quest which we are told is 10,000 miles away from where he was when he passed out in the swamp and was nearly killed by the G'mork. He has to pass through two golden Sphinxes next which sounds simple enough right? Simple enough until we see a knight pass through them and get cooked to a crisp by lasers shooting out of their eyes... yep. Atreyu is told that The Sphinxes eyes stay closed, "until someone who does not feel his own worth tries to pass by". So his chance of life or death is solely based on his OWN opinion of himself?! Can you imagine how many of us wouldn't make it due to low self-esteem and no confidence? I want to try and remember this scene in my everyday life anytime I feel completely unworthy... because you're own feelings about yourself really do determine your life. Talk about life lessons at an early age. Anyone who is truly successful in there life and fulfills their purpose(and if you were BORN you are here for a reason and have a purpose f.y.i), does so because they believe they have the abilities to do so.

3.)Atreyu's third obstacle is that he has to face the Magic Mirror Gate. To lift lines straight from the movie it is explained this way:
Engywook: "Next is the Magic Mirror Gate. Atreyu has to face his true self."
Falcor: "So what? That won't be too hard for him."
Engywook: "Oh, that's what everyone thinks! But kind people find out that they are cruel. Brave men discover that they are really cowards! Confronted by their true selves, most men run away screaming!"

Noticing a pattern with all the obstacles and not to mention villains of this movie? They are all psychological. Atreyu is picked as a child warrior rather than picking a large burly grown man, because he has "faith like a child". As I'm writing this entire analysis, I'm coming to the conclusion that this whole movie is also a great allegory for overcoming severe depression. This is (literally) reflected further when Atreyu looks in the magic mirror and sees Sebastian, the little boy reading the book in the attic instead of attending school. We are shown at the beginning of the movie that Sebastian is a dreamer, his teachers get onto him for drawing unicorns during class, and his father gets on to him for always having his feet off the ground. His father says something along the lines of how he's sorry that his mother had passed away but Sebastian "has got to stop daydreaming". Okay I'll avoid a big long thing on what an awful thing that is for a parent to say, and skip to the fact that obviously Sebastian is battling depression due to the early death of his mother. It would also seem that he is on the artistic, melancholy side of personalities anyways which makes it tougher. Atreyu represents himself in his imagination and Fantasia is his world of imagination. Fantasia is dying because he has begun to lose hope and has also been told to stop daydreaming by his insensitive father.
Just in writing this I'm seeing that this movie is deeper than I even originally thought it was.. or so it would seem to an over contemplative person like myself.

After this Atreyu manages to make it through the Southern Oracle. The Southern Oracle tells him that in order to stop the Great Nothing, all he has to do is get in touch with and Earthling child, beyond the borders of Fantasia.
He is taken by the Luck Dragon over the aptly named Sea of Possibilities, but he slips off Falcors back and falls into the sea. Not long after he reaches the shore, he has his show down with the G'mork that I mentioned earlier. Atreyu kills him with one swift stab and is again picked up by his super lucky Luck Dragon to search for the Empress in the Ivory Tower.
It turns out the Ivory Tower is one of the only places left standing in Fantasia, and Atreyu has accepted that he now has to go tell the empress that he has failed his quest. He walks in and tells her in tears that he has failed; He was not able to reach an Earthling child in time to save their world. The Empress smiles and says that he has not failed his quest at all but he accomplished everything he was supposed to do. Atreyu of course wants to know why he had to go through all this turmoil including losing his beloved horse:
The Childlike Empress: "It was the only way to get in touch with an earthling."
Atreyu: "But I didn't get in touch with an earthling!"
The Childlike Empress: "Yes, you did. He has suffered with you. He went through everything you went through; and now, he has come here with you. He is very close... listening to every word, we say."
[as he is reading, Bastian can't believe it]
Bastian: "*What*?"

Bastian can't believe what he is reading, or that these fantasy characters could be referring to him.
The Empress states that all they have to do is wait for him to arrive:
Atreyu: "What will happen if he doesn't appear?"
The Childlike Empress: [sadly] "Then our world will disappear - and so will I."
Atreyu: "How could he let that happen?"
The Childlike Empress: "He doesn't understand that he's the one who has the power to stop it. He simply can't imagine that one little boy could be that important."
Bastian: "Is it really me?"
Atreyu: "Maybe he doesn't know what he has to do!"
Bastian: [shouts] "What DO I have to do?"
The Childlike Empress: "He has to give me a new name. He's already chosen it. He just has to call it out"

I find it interesting too that he has to rename the Empress. It almost seems like a way of conveying a new way of thinking or maybe renewed hope since this entire universe operates in his own mind.
At this particular part of the movie, the Empress looks directly at the screen and says:
The Childlike Empress: "Bastian. Why don't you do what you dream, Bastian?"
Bastian: "But I can't, I have to keep my feet on the ground!"
The Childlike Empress: "Call my name. Bastian, please! Save us!"
Bastian: "All right! I'll do it! I'll save you! I will do what I dream!"
So Bastian screams a new name out of the window of the attic and everything becomes very quiet and dark.
Bastian: "Why is it so dark?"
The Childlike Empress: "In the beginning, it is always dark."
Bastian is now informed that he can renew Fantasia even though that world as he knew it has been consumed. All he has to do is dream and the bigger his dreams are the better Fantasia will become.
I love the idea of this because I really believe this is the case with life. If someone chooses to dream big dreams and dares to have big hopes, the more fantastic their life is going to be.
Obviously, I learn a lot from a 1980's children's movie, right:).
I might do another analysis like this on more movies soon because I enjoyed writing this one... it was very enlightening.

Page Up

Hello blogging world. It's been awhile, but that it because I have been contemplating a lot of things regarding blogging. I thought about deleting this entire blog and becoming a recluse, but that seems pretty unhealthy so instead I've going to revitalize it.

I've actually gone through and deleted some posts that maybe I can't relate to anymore. I've changed so much in the past few months... really just since Christmas time of this past year.

I still love old things of course but I think I've switched eras to some extent... I buy science magazines and write down goals for my life on a regular basis.

I suppose I am trying to grow up. I will be 25 next year after all.

Also I'm a youth leader now and I'm aware that I'm around kids ten years younger than me... I really don't want it over my head that I've been any sort of bad example. They're all cool teens anyways.

This post is a bit rambling, but I just have a lot going through my head right at the moment.

So to conclude, I am going to start updating again on a regular basis, but I will avoid any stupid updates about how I wish I was living in the 60's because that isn't true anymore. I like living right now because I have the entire future ahead of me and I get to make of it what I want.

The sky is the limit isn't it?:)

"The year of the Diamond Dog"

My current favorite album is "Diamond Dogs" by David Bowie.
I know I've mentioned him on here a million times but I don't give a crap, for this is my blog and I will post what I like.
So basically it all started when I realized that I had "Hunky Dory", "Ziggy Stardust", "Aladdin Sane","Young Americans", "Low", and "Heroes". I had notably skipped over the 1974 Diamond Dogs era. As soon as I noticed this I had to go and download the album.
The first time I heard it I listened to it three times in it's entirety. THAT'S how good it is. I couldn't believe I was just now hearing it at the age of 24. It was a rainy day at work and for some reason no one else was in the office that I work in that day. I just filed paper work and listened to that album all afternoon while drinking coffee.
Sometime after that I started reading the book "1984" for the first time. What I had forgotten about until then, was that the entire Diamond Dogs album is a concept album based on that book. So as I was reading the book, this album was the soundtrack... and it was PERFECT.

I've since realized that this album was pretty much trashed by a lot of critics at the time and seen as a major step back from Aladdin Sane/Ziggy. Bowie's persona on this album is of course "Halloween Jack who's a real cool cat and lives on top of Manhattan chase".
I don't care what any critics or fans think, this is a high point in my opinion and now on constant rotation for me.

The "glam tinged dystopian, post-apocalyptic world" is captured perfectly. The whole album has a dystopian air to it, but I don't find it depressing at all. New York has been renamed "Hunger City" and is in the "year of the diamond dogs".
The first track "Future Legend" warns:"This ain't rock n roll, this is genocide!".
The track "Diamond Dogs" has a very Stone's like feel to it with the riffs and slide guitar. Actually one thing I love about this album is that by this time Mick Ronson had taken off on his own, so Bowie played not only the rhythm guitar and saxophones on this, but also the lead guitar parts. It adds a distorted, messy touch which I think fits really well here.
The next track is my favorite part of the entire album, "Sweet Thing/Candidate/Sweet Thing Reprise".
The first time I heard this, it immediately became my favorite song. The vocals start out extremely low and sour within the first verse. Apparently the lyrics were written using the Burroughs "cut-up" technique so they're pretty steam of consciousness. The melody is very haunting too. I highly recommend taking a listen.
The middle part of the album is all great, but my second favorite part of the album are the last two tracks: "Big Brother/Chant of the ever circling skeletal family".
The lyrics on this track are phenomenal in my opinion, going along with the "1984" theme. The chorus "Someone to lead us/someone to follow, someone to shame us/some great Apollo, someone to fool us/someone like you/we want you big brother". Then all the sudden the tempo changes for about a minute and all that's there is an acoustic guitar and vocals that warn "I know you think you're awful square, but you've made everyone and you've been everywhere/Lord I'd take an overdose if you knew what's going down". Can't think of a better way to articulate the horror of big brother and dystopian 1984.
The next track is just chanting and distorted guitar, it ends with a skipping "Bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh...ect." which in an eerie way sounds like the word brother.
All in all, if you are a Bowie fan, 1984 fan, or a fan of glam dystopian rock I highly recommend this album because it's intense and unforgettable.

This is a new thing I'm going to start doing from now on by the. Detailing my favorite albums and explaining what it is I love about them. Hope you enjoyed it!:)

"Build your reputation on being honest and unmerciful"

I'm realizing that when you have no peace about something it is usually for a good reason.
If you only feel sick when you think of new prospects like a job... a new guy... a new hair color whatever... It's usually something you should take mind of.

I make a good single girl. I get nervous when I think of dating anyone because I'm so good at being single. I get to do whatever I want. I can read three books in one day, eat popcorn for dinner, spend the whole evening cutting up clothes and teaching myself songs on guitar. It would be hard for me to give that up as stupid as that may sound.
There is some kind of dignity to being alone. I don't want to lose any dignity when I decide to date someone again.
I would like to wear bright clothes that don't always match, star stickers on my eyes, and teased hair without any disapproving boy looks from a guy who would rather be dating someone in a floral shirt and a pair of toms. Not to knock that, but it's just not me.
I've had boys tell me they don't like my clothes in the past so this is a sore subject for me and something I refuse to compromise on anymore.
You may say "well it's just clothing, it's external not internal" blah blah blah. It represents more than that to me. It's expression about who you are and it is essentially your identity. Maybe not to everyone, but that's what it means to me. Boys have taken a lot from me in the past but one of the few things they can take from me is my beliefs, my music, and my identity. I would die before giving up any of those things.
I used to make mix cd's for boys just on whims but I don't even do that anymore. I don't like them listening to the music I'm listening to. The last guy I did that for doesn't even speak to me anymore. The music I listen to is a form of a diary for where I'm at, at the particular moment. I am hesitant to make anyone a mix cd these days, barring some chick friends.
I don't talk to many people about what I like because for me it's too personal. That's probably stupid to most people but it's not to me. What you enjoy ends up shaping who you are whether you like it or not.
So basically I am living in a world begging me to compromise and I am refusing to with all my might.

My Favorite Mar(c)(k)s

As a continuation on my post I did awhile back about my two favorite Davids (Bowie and Grohl), here is a post on my two favorite Mar(c)(k)s!
Two more from the Glam and Grunge eras respectively and ironically at that. Not even intentionally either.



Mark Arm from Mudhoney! Covered in mud... haha.


Marc Bolon! The little British Glitter nugget T. Rex front man.


With fake rival but real friend, fellow blond boy




with mostly rival but sometimes friend fellow Glam pioneer




Mr. Arm shaking Mr. Vedder's hand at The White House

The best two Mar(c)(k)s I could ask for.

Thoughts for now

In recent news:







I cut my hair into a shag the other night with Christmas scissors. It makes my hair look constantly messy now which I'm okay with.



I started painting this week as well. This is my first one.



I'm finding myself pretty ambivalent about being in any sort of relationship right now. I'm much more creative when I'm not in one and also, well not as STUPID.
Anyways, any man who wants to catch my attention will be competing with all my old man rock and roll crushes.
I swear I think my head is always in the clouds.

Just in case of sunrise

This blog entry is slightly different than other ones I usually post F.Y.I.


Last week was one of the craziest weeks of my life so far. Valentines day was approaching, as was my sister's due date which was set for 2/16/12.
On Valentines Day, my mom and I decided to head to the city my sister lives in which is an hour and a half away. We decided to stay the night and be there just in case.
At about 1:30 in the morning my sister is groaning in pain and having contractions so we rush her to the hospital. Me and my mother sit in the waiting room until 4 in the morning. I fall asleep sitting up in a chair. The nurses there decided to give my sister 2 ambiens and send her home... I was half asleep but I knew that this sounded like a terrible idea. It was terrible, because she was hallucinating by the time we got her home and also still in tremendous pain. I have never been around anyone in labor before, but I'll never forget it. I got perhaps an hour of sleep, because I could hear my sister screaming in the next room until sunrise. Finally at 10 a.m. we decided she's going back to the hospital, even though they told us not to bring her back until the afternoon. We were in the hospital from 10:30 a.m. to 10 o'clock at night. Baby Aaron was born a tiny 5 lbs. 7 oz. He was very cute and I was excited to be an aunt.
So me and my mother had to drive back to our town to get more clothes because we were going to come back the next day to help with the baby. We got home around one in the morning.
The day I worked for half a day, and then wondered where my mom was and if we were going back to my sisters. I was informed around 5 in the afternoon that my dad had, had a very unexpected heart attack.
Off I went to a different hospital in a different town. I cried in the hospital and was still too tired from the day before to think straight. My weekend went by in a blur. My dad survived and was very lucky that he did. The doctors said that if he had not always taken care of himself he would have died because he has a genetic condition apparently.
Right now I'm very thankful my dad is alive and that I am a first time aunt.
I didn't even think about boys this Valentine's day because I was thrown into life and realized there are things more important.
I feel more grown up now just from the past week than I wanted to be, but I don't regret that.

Here are a few pictures from last week I snapped when I wasn't operating on 2 hours of sleep.



I have a weird milk obsession right now. I mixed it up a little and got some strawberry Nesquick that day. I party hard.


A family of kids gave me this on Valentine's day and it's my favorite Valentine's gift I have ever received.




This is Aaron, my nephew. He gets the that expression and the lips from his mom.



This was me at my sister's shower a few weeks before. It just demonstrates how I am still feeling at this moment, so I guess this shot is prophetic. I'm tired.







I'm believing things are going to start looking up now, so I'll be sure to update with some great news that it is. I apologize for a somewhat heavy blog entry, but that's just life sometimes. Heavy.

Hmmmm

In recent news....

1.) I have decided to re-do my room. I am going through some weird transition... or something. I clean things now, give away my clothes on a regular basis, take things off my walls, and watch the same movies over and over again. I am not sure why any of this is happening.

2.) I am obsessed with going on walks. I don't know why, but it clears my head and makes me feel like things are under control. I am not a jogger or a gym person... I actually don't like working out per se, but I LOVE walking. It's an everyday thing for me know. I've also lost ten pounds in the past few months, probably from all that walking.

3.) I wear nice make-up now, use nice shampoo and conditioner, and only buy face wash from sephora. This is such a 180 for me... I always feel weird spending a lot of money on beauty products but the harsh facts were that my skin and hair weren't as good as they could be. So now I wear MAC and Urban Decay, use Redkin smoothing shampoo and conditioner, and wash my face with Murad twice a day. I tell you what ladies, sometimes spending a little extra is worth it. My skin looks better and I don't have to use half as much make-up/shampoo as I used to.

4.) Oh I turned 24 three days ago. It was a weird birthday to be perfectly honest.

5.) I have been wanting to watch Pretty in Pink and Back to the Future for the past month and I have no idea why. I can't explain most of the things I like anymore.

pale blue

This is a brief photo synopsis of all my recent interests for the past two months.
I hope everyone is having a very good 2012 so far. Mine has been full of different things including lots of dreaming, playing piano, lighting scented candles, and looking ahead to the future.




Courtney Love, early 90's



Aladdin Sane girl



I took this picture from my phone while driving down the road in my home town. It was a perfect rainbow and it seemingly appeared out of nowhere. Heroes by David Bowie came on right when I drove under it. I'm taking it as a good sign.




Pictures like this remind me how much bigger everything is than just me, and how much more there is out there besides my tiny problems.




Iggy Pop, 1969. Enough said.




Mermaid girl, early 1960's.







What are YOUR current interests?